This is no ordinary post, this is how I see myself and how I feel.

Yes, I am skinny. But I feel as if I’m “too” skinny. I eat all the time, so why don’t I gain weight? We’ll never know that answer. When somebody tells me that I’m “too” skinny & that I need to eat more, it hurts..deep. So I go home & eat so much to the point where it hurts to move. Then I have people tell me I’m a fatass & eat too much, I laugh it & say, “Yeah get over it.” but in reality, I go home after school & don’t eat for the rest of the day.
Yes, I like my style. But I feel as if I’m “ugly” to fit in with society. I like wearing leggings, ugly sweaters, my hair on the side, looking bummy and rocking Jordans. When somebody tells me, “You always look like you just rolled out of bed.” or “You look like an old lady with no style.” & it hurts me. I go home and just lay in bed all day as if I never left it. 
Yes, I’m a senior with sophomore credits (165). I have 8 classes at my high school and I’m taking 3 classes at Adult Ed. I’m working my ASS off to graduate. But when I hear people telling me I have no chance in graduating, I might as well stop trying because I won’t make it, I’m stupid for doing this all at the last minute and I shouldn’t have messed up all 3 years & doing it all in 1 year. When people say that, it makes me just want to give up, that I really have no chance in graduating & I might as well stop trying because it’s wasting my time. 
Yes, I am suicidal. I always think about killing myself, I cut myself, I lay in bed all day after school & isolate myself from my friends & my family, the world. It’s 10x harder when I have people from left & right that I care about more than myself, telling me I’m worthless, I’m stupid, I’m fat, I’m skinny, my style is horrible, I’m a disappointment to the family, they regret being with me, they wish they never were with me. And these are all the people that I care about that they’ve told me this.

But, in the end of the day. I think to myself..it’ll get better. Everything will eventually get better. All my hard work will pay off and I will walk across that stage with all my friends getting that diploma with the people that I care about so much in the crowd yelling my name, telling me their so proud of all my accomplishments. I will be doing what I’ve always wanted to do, go to college & go off into the Navy living the dream & getting to experience so many things that people can’t do. I will eventually find the one that is willing to put up with my flaws & willing to be here for me when I’m feeling down & when all my insecurities are attacking me all at once. Eventually, this is will happen for me. It just takes time for everything to fall back in place, for everything to get back on the right track. Just never give up when you have so much to live.